She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
