I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
