You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
