My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
