I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
