I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
