Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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