you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
