In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
