who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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