:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think my mom watched the whole time
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
