Jerry, you need to find god
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
