I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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