Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
