Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
