Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
