he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
