i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
