her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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