Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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