So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
