at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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