Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
