I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
