Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
