I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
