Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
