Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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