We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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