Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
