So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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