There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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