that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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