on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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