he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
