Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
