Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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