we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
