2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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