life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Found the puke drawer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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