no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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