I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
