I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
