he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
