I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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