i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
