he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
