I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Small penises have feelings too.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
