Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
