he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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