So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
