Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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