Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
