Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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