please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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