new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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