i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
