i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize