I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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