woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
