...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
