My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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