is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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