omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
