Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
