There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize