i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
