do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
