mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize