As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
