Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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